Am i still enjoyin' poker?

It has been about a year and half since poker became my only source of income. In other words I have been doing this professionally since then. Today, i asked myself this question for some reason and decided to make a bit more of a thoughtful post since my past blog entries has been more of brags and result-oriented stuffs. So, am i still enjoyin' poker? I know i was really enjoying poker when i first started playing holdem' online back in 2004 and 2005 during the poker boom and obviously i was not a winning player back then but i loved the excitement of shippin' those occasional pots my way, makin fun of ppl that i sucked out in the chat, endless sessions and etc...
So do I enjoy poker these days? I sure do still because I believe i am still learning and evolving as a better player and sometimes I go thru these eureka moments where things start clickin; and I'd be so confident about my game but I think that it still has become so much of a grind that sometimes I miss the times when I used to play casually. I might feel this because poker did make me financially happier than before in the last couple of years and i might have become more materialistic person, meaning I let the size of my bankroll decide the happiness in my life, which did interfere with my social life around my friends and family a little bit i must admit. The last 4 years of my life has been a long ride after entering this sick world of online poker lifestyle. I've basically spent my last 4 years try learnin and beatin the online poker instead of going to university like most of my friends, preparing themselves for a career or whwatever. I definately wont regret what I did tho because Ive also gained lotta things playin poker professinally. But I also think that the 4 years or more that i could've spent in the university coulda been a valuable experience to me. I could still go if i want to... without having to worry about the tuition or gettin in debt =)
So back to the question again, i think im asking myself this question because i got reminded of my 9-5 or watever 8-hour shift jobs that ive had before. Playin for a living on any job has its ups and downs and its all about confidence and variance.
If you are confident in your abilitys and understand variance, then it won't be as bad as alot of people make it about to me. And by confidence I mean having the confidence to still know your good at what your doing after a couple months of negative variance. So I guess i kinda felt the games i ve been playing got boring and dull today and this question came across my mind. But the more i play the more i learn still in this game because poker is like such a infinite learning process and how the games are being played is always changing and that is what i love about this game. There's nothing better than enjoying your job. =) I dont think that i have discovered much of competitive nature in me before poker. So i think that is another thing i ve gained from poker. I also enjoy having noone to boss me around. I'm my own boss. That's really something I value above like everything else. I've had a regular job, it sucked. I had an cluess fucking idiot Ahole boss tellin me what to do and it was so horrible. Never again will I go back to making money for anyone else but myself. I think that outweighs everything LOL. I ve also learned to have better bankroll management than before i remember the beginning days of poker when I used to tilt away my hard-gained bankrolls over a night and that also taught me a lot of lessons about money. But no more of those.. i hope lol. Now I've made a decent investment buying a rental property with my 2008 winnings so thats something to look back to when im super tilted or BUSTO(hopefully never again). Im gettin old nowww i gotta be a lifeNIT lol. So yah, looking at the pros and cons of poker... cons such as the downswing hurting me badly at times and losing my time to go out and chill with my friends just to hunt the huge donks at my table because it is soooo +EV..etc..., i think i can balance these things if i manage myself well. But again i have to mention i do not enjoy playin poker when im out tryin to have a social life and some of my friends wanting to play poker recreatoinally.... that TILTS me loll... im sure that would tilt most of you other regular grinders who put in a decent amount of volume hands every day. lol and its hard to explain to my friends or other ppl what i do for livin sometimes cuz a lot of them dont understand how sophisticated it is and look at as just a form of gambling so i just dont bother anymore cuz also i could sound too cocky tryin to explain involvin the amount of $ that i made last night which could be their monthly pay cheque lol..but also when i explain how much i lost last night they think i should stop hahah...so that tilts mee again lul...anywayz i thank God that i was able to make it this far at least.. so thats bout it, i was just bored after loggin' some hands today and decided to make a little bit more thoughtful entry than before includin the flashbacks of my last 4 years..so i tried :p
i hope i'll continue to get better in this game and be humbled regardless of the results that come in the future.
Conclusion, yesss i do enjoy poker these days and i hope to enjoy more in the future..i hope... minus Z inevitable downswings.. F U downswingz. run goot foreva plz
gg and gl at ur tables.. or have fun at ur work lol..